Goodbye, November...

Moments by MB Photography | Orlando, FL

Dear November,

It's a little hard to believe that you are over.  It seems like just yesterday I welcomed you with open arms in anticipation of the date of thanks that you bring; our designated annual time to gather and love on family and friends.  The beauty of the autumn leaves, the crisp cool air, the smell of fires smoldering through chimney sweeps...each apart of the love affair with November. November is always a special month on the calendar. It officially kicks off the most wonderful time of the year, yet precedes the most celebrated month of the year.

While I always look forward to the essence that November brings, this year, I looked to the month for other reasons.  I looked to November to help heal.

A few months ago, I noticed a change in what I thought was my monthly cycle.  I chalked it up to the fact that after having two kids, some things would be a little different and simply take time to level out.  Although I had this conversation with myself, I still decided to make a visit to see my ob/gyn.  During this visit, I took the procedural pregnancy test.  After explaining what was going on, the nurse practitioner entered the room and provided my doc with the results.  To my surprise, I heard the words, "It's positive."  The streak of excitement that ran across my face was met immediately with pause after hearing my doc say, "Let's have you head over to the lab for some blood work and come back for some additional tests later this week," she said.  This was followed with, "I want to monitor your levels over the next few weeks."  Blood work?  Levels?  Monitor?  For me, this was foreign language, having been extremely blessed with two wonderful pregnancies while carrying our sons.  So, to not hear the usual invitation to welcome me back for a sonogram was quite unusual.

After rounds of tests, my ob/gyn confirmed what we had never had to experience before.  We miscarried.  We were extremely saddened after clinging to some hope that the pregnancy would fall into fruition.  P was shook.  He was elated about the chance to add another little one to our brood.  I honestly feel that he took the news just as hard as I did, if not harder.

Over the past month, I've come to grips with the internal battle that creeps into the minds of a mother who has miscarried; what did I do?  What could I have done?  What if?  (The "what if?" has been the hardest to overcome.)

God has granted me the serenity to accept the things that I can change, the things that I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.  I'm a firm believer that everything happens for not just a reason, but for His plan.  Should we receive another blessed baby, praise God.  Should the opportunity elude us, praise God.  For He has blessed me beyond measure, and this November - I honored Him with thanks.

So, goodbye, November.  You will stay etched in my mind as a necessary time in my life.  Hello, December - I'm glad you're here.

Moments by MB Photography | Orlando, FL